Our thoughts and beliefs significantly influence our lives. Tragedies, often violent, occur frequently around the world, yet they rarely surprise us anymore. We sometimes remark to friends that more bad events seem inevitable. This raises a question: does our shared mindset contribute to these ongoing incidents?
If we were to study these extreme occurrences systematically, we would notice a persistent pattern of violence and unresolved rage that seems to escalate, sometimes even appearing to occur hourly across the globe. To make sense of it, imagine mapping each tragic event with a small flag marking the country and location where it happened. Enlisting the help of like-minded friends, the exercise becomes reminiscent of assembling a massive puzzle, where each piece represents a separate act of violence or tragedy. Over the long weekend the group experiences conflict and shock at the seemingly endless cycle of violence and lack of resolution. A historian quietly observe that such patterns have existed for as long as history and he reminds us of the prophetic warning: “if we don’t learn from history, how to get along with each other, we are doomed to repeat it”.
Similar mapping of tragic events in the United States, using different colored pins for each state, city, and town, would be overwhelmed by the sheer number of events and would require a huge map. However, no map is large enough to contain all the pins that would be required.
No doubt these couple of examples rather quickly reminds us of the presence of violence with the recent assassination of Charlie Kirk, who embodied the attributes of a bright passionate young man who got his energy from people because he loved them and was not afraid to initiate other debates, which would usually result with a deeper understanding of life with meaning and purpose. Charlie was an unusually dedicated human being, whose goal was to “wake us up” and sometimes stir us a little so that we would grow first in our truth (we no doubt now live in the world which often has an absence of a moral conscience), and truth is so fundamentally necessary because it sets us free and allows us to have hope with limitless understanding of life which exponentially continues to grow in our quest for meaning and purpose in our lives .
My teacher and friend, Dr. Victor Frankle profoundly discovered this and found his greatest happiness in the most vicious and violent place on earth, Auscwitz concentration camp in Poland during WWII. In my research and review of Charlie Kirk, I am cognizant of over 100 topics Charlie shared with his audiences in the context of always being pleasant and genuine, with an engaging and respectful smile (a smile is the universal language of love) as I share my goal/wisdom so you have truth and understanding.
As a youngster growing up in the hustle, bustle of the city of Chicago, I occasionally met a “Charlie Kirk”, often in an academic environment, where this person was very bright, unusually alert to all that was going on, and incredibly had an assertive posture in contrast to the aggressiveness with hatred and a distorted belief that’s ok to be irritated and ultimately violent. In the world I grew up in this was called “debating” and it was an honorable way to intelligently and passionately express one’s opinion. However, if the individual happened to believe they were entitled, perhaps a prince or princess, their belief of themselves was distorted. Their thinking would often be irrational and their behavior filled with anger.
What truly begs the question and perhaps is screaming inside of each of us is what is the answer to this frightening dilemma that we find ourselves within? This dilemma has been paramount in my thinking for sometime, and I have arrived at a three part response. The first is known as cognitive behavioral thinking (CBT), which I describe in the following. However, I ask you to please be patient because the last two gems, which along with CBT are my most profound understanding when applied well, and will forever change ourselves and our world.
I. Cognitive Behavioral Thinking and Believing:
May I begin with a story of a hard-working middle-class father who, after a long week of overtime, arrives home early on Friday to help his nine-year-old son build a birdhouse in their garage workshop. In a tragic accident, the son injures his eye, and the frightened father rushes him to the nearest ER which happens to be next to a professional office building with designated parking spots. The father parks in the closest available spot and carries his injured son inside where he is greeted by an ER MD who is a skilled ophthalmologist covering the ER for a friend and his expertise saved the day for this youngster!
Simultaneously, the designated owner of the parking spot, where the father parked his car, feels intense rage, believing his spot has been wrongfully taken. But through the lens of CBT:
- A (Event): The parking spot is taken by someone in a crisis.
- CBT Reframe: This is the closest spot for a parent facing a horrific emergency. There were no other parking places, and now there is hope for the injured boy.
- B (Belief): The belief that no one should ever park there, and violators must be punished.
- CBT Reframe: Perhaps an exception can be made for a seriously hurt child.
- C (Consequence): initial response is rage with a history of lifelong injustices.
- CBT Reframe: The new response is gratitude for having the opportunity to help a child in need, resulting with a feeling of goodness and blessing.
CBT shifts our beliefs as it transforms our emotional responses, leading to more compassionate and constructive outcomes. Now our rational thinking/beliefs, break the cycle of irrationality and violence in behavior.
(Editorial Note: next month Part 2 will contain my understanding of the final two profound understandings which will change ourselves in our world forever).
To speak with Dr. Tim Lynch, PhD., you can call him at 615-504-4357, or email him
at tdlynch@bellsouth.net If you want to know more about Dr. Tim check out
Psychology Today Practice Directory, or his web: www.thelynchgroup.net
