Often, and unfortunately, now almost daily, in my clinical practice I am aware of an increasing number of people who appear to be confused and rather “lost” when it comes to the direction of their lives. “Who am I…. Where am I going…. What’s it all about?” are common questions I’m asked, sometimes in a roundabout way. Several of these individuals are highly professionally trained, having invested serious money and time, however now, most of Life is empty!
Often these individuals’ express frustrations with “life” … particularly with the individual they live with, or are married to, have a business or profession relationship which has become boring and it has lost its meaning! Ironically, several tend to become quite angry (often in a passive aggressive way, as well as cynical… “I’m going to get even” attitude). Ironically, several have entered a career, which they desired to achieve for years, but they have now arrived at a spot where they want to beat the system and retaliate, because they are not happy with the situation.
I recall several years ago, consulting a young woman, name Sue who had been in a relationship with a man, and had significant plans for her life professionally and personally. She came to me because she was feeling depressed. However, with some discussion it became obvious she was really depressed and didn’t know what to do to make her relationship with her boyfriend successful. I asked her several questions. Her boyfriend, she stated, was a very bright individual who was valedictorian of his high school class. The irony of the situation was that he has been employed with a manufacturing company in a position that would usually be given to someone who never completed school. She further stated she liked his personality, but he wasn’t very interested in doing much… he appeared to be bored all the time. She’s asked me if I would be willing to meet with him and maybe he would become interested in doing something with his life. I told her I would be willing to meet with him and to share with her my impression, if he was OK with this. She spoke with him, and he was. A few days later, this young man came to see me, and he was quite open with his thinking and aspirations. He stated that he had worked for this company for four years and he had several opportunities to advance, but he smiled as he said he maneuvered around each because he didn’t want to work that hard. Questioned further, he said, “well it’s like this, I like getting away with it….” I enjoys manipulating my bosses and though technically my job is eight-hour /day, I never has worked more than an hour any day, and then I asked him how do you feel about that? He stated I love it, nor did not feel any accountability or responsibility for his behavior…” I’m just smarter than everyone there and I know how to beat the system”!
A few days later Ms. Sue return to consult with me and further expressed her frustrations with her boyfriend and for the first time she was upset with him. Also Ms. Sue related more about her goals and aspirations for a family and children, and obviously she was excited with pursuing a career in nursing. She rather abruptly asked me what I thought of her boyfriend. I said, well this is an interesting question. What you are going to do with your
relationship is your decision. No doubt your boyfriend is quite bright and amazingly honest in someways, that is, he likes to brag about how bright he is and successful at manipulating his environment to make things happen whatever way he cares to.
I suggested to Ms. Sue, that I would like to share a different perspective which I believe “reframes much of the attitude” which she is experiencing with her boyfriend and unfortunately, is much more common in our work environment. She was eager to hear “my reframe”. I said:
In 2008 the American Association of school administrators recognized Mr. Ivan Fitzwater as the recipient of the Distinguished Service Award as he shared his summary of a “attitude adjustment “, which very often changes the game which we play in our lives.
“I AM A TEACHER! WHAT I DO AND SAY ARE BEING ABSORBED BY YOUNG MINDS AND WILL ECHO THESE IMAGES ACROSS THE AGES. MY LESSONS WILL BE IMMORTAL, AFFECTING PEOPLE YET UNBORN, PEOPLE I WILL NEVER SEE OR KNOW. THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD IS IN MY CLASSROOM TODAY, A FUTURE WITH THE POTENTIAL FOR GOOD OR BAD. THE PLIABLE MINDS OF TOMMORROW’S LEADERS WILL BE MOLDED EITHER ARTISTICALLY OR GROTESQUELY BY WHAT I DO.
SEVERAL FUTURE PRESIDENTS ARE LEARNING FROM ME TODAY; SO ARE GREAT WRITERS
OF THE NEXT DECADES, AND SO ARE THE SO-CALLED ORDINARY PEOPLE WHO WILL MAKE THE DECISIONS IN A DEMOCRACY. I MUST NEVER FORGET THESE SAME YOUNG PEOPLE COULD BE THE THIEVES AND MURDERERS OF THE FUTURE.
ONLY A TEACHER? THANK GOD I HAVE A CALLING TO THE GREATEST PROFESSION OF ALL! I MUST BE VIGILANT EVERY DAY LESS I LOSE ONE FRAGILE OPPORTUNITY TO IMPROVE TOMORROW.”
Ms. Sue pondered what I said and then stated that perhaps, she should slip away from him…. I couldn’t help but to respond that “perhaps it would be a good idea to keep your running shoes on, so that you are always ready for the quarter mile race”. She smiled and said, “thank you, I now understand why I’ve been so troubled”.
There is no doubt that “reframing” a life predicament, utilizing committed perspectives, such as, Mr. Fitzwater and others, will most likely alter the negative perspective, such as, not going nowhere, or bored, not experiencing excitement, etc. Most important is, PASSION for one’s calling or career, which almost always includes meaning and purpose for those we serve, including ourselves!
Tim Lynch, Ph D
