For divorced parents or those in a blended family, getting ready for the first day of school can be a bit more complicated due to shared parenting time and multiple households being involved. There are many things to consider for making it as easy on the kids as possible – here are a few tips:
- Schedule a “co-parent meeting” to discuss the upcoming fall schedule. Discuss at least 30 days prior to school starting details such as:
A. How will school supplies be handled – who will purchase them? Will the kids be involved in selecting them? If there is a specific list of supplies for each child, be sure all the adults have a copy (biological parents, stepparents, grandparents if they help with school). Consider rotating which family buys the “new backpacks and lunch boxes” each year so that both parents are allowed to participate in the shopping process equally.
B. Who will be listed on the contact info sheet at school? Are there any phone, email or address changes that need to be updated for accuracy?Are there any concerns for the children going back in the fall (tutoring, summer reading projects, etc.) if so, what are some ideas that can be shared to support your children and help them succeed?Be sure all adults understand what needs to be taken to school the first day and who is providing it.Open House – Share date and time – try to attend together and show a respectful united front as you go room to room and help the children get acclimated to what they will need to know
C. Meeting the Teachers – attend together and be respectful. Don’t try to “outshine” the other parent, be pleasant and give each side of the family time to ask questions and be involved. **I believe if there are stepparents in the shared children’s lives that they should be invited to attend these events as well; it can be their decision to join or not, but if they live with the children and help with homework, school projects, etc. it is ideal for them to know what the overall expectations are and be part of supporting the kids.
2. No matter where the child is sleeping the night prior to the first day, it is a nice thing to offer that all parents be part of the “first day” experience.
Consider some of these ideas:
- Meet at McDonald’s early before school and have breakfast together.Meet in the parking lot of the school and walk in together at a specific time.Offer to take a photo of your child with their other parent and stepparent if applicableIf you plan fun activities on the first day “after school” include the other parent if possible (Don’t try to be the “favorite” or the “fun” parent – invite everyone). If this can’t be done together, be intentional to rotate each year so even if it is not in the parenting plan, each parent gets to participate over time.Some families will choose to meet after school and have ice cream together and let the shared children talk about their first day with everyone present – this can be a powerful sign of showing “unity” between families.
- If both parents can’t walk the child in, consider an extra Facetime call so the child gets to talk with the other parent as well, even though this is probably out of the normal call schedule
Remember that coparenting is NOT a competition of favorites – try to look for positive ways to support your children as parents together, even when you live apart. Kids thrive when they have one whole heart, in two healthy homes.
Tammy Daughtry, Founder of CoParenting International. For more free resources please see www.CoParentingInternational.com
