Two weeks into the school year, a mom and dad received a midnight text from their college-age son. “Can you talk? I have a lot to digest.” How does a parent respond? How do you navigate hard times with your child?
Your first response might be to panic. Before you do, consider these steps when taking the call.
While your child is talking, ask God for divine wisdom and discernment. Resist the urge to judge and listen. Listen not only to the words he’s using but also to his facial expressions (if using Facetime). Don’t interrupt until you feel he has expressed all the emotions. Then, ask questions to glean more clarification or information. You’ll want to tamp down your anger or sorrow, including your nonverbal language.
Validate your child’s emotions. Reflect back to them what you’ve heard: “It sounds like you’re scared and angry. Is that right?” Avoid bringing up your own experiences, as this moment is about your child. They need to feel heard and understood, not compared to. This will help them feel that you’re truly listening and empathizing with their situation.
Ask your child if they want your advice or just need someone to listen. This empowers your young adult or teenager to take the lead in the conversation and potential solutions. If they seek your advice, offer a suggestion for the immediate problem. If they prefer to handle it on their own, ask if you can pray for them. If not, assure them that you will continue to pray until the issue is resolved. Then, ask again, “Is there anything else you’d like us to know?” Sometimes, an additional thought provides a broader understanding of the situation.
Allow them to solve the problem. This hard time could be a time of growth for your child. A time when they have to figure things out on their own or depend on God even more. Hopefully, you’ve been releasing your child into God’s hands and allowing them more responsibility to fail or succeed. When my son called one day from college, he was sobbing. His girlfriend had broken up with him. I listened to him cry as he absorbed the sting of rejection. He had to sit in that hard place for a while but he got through it, stronger.
Check in regularly. Let them know you’re thinking of them and praying for them. Encourage and affirm them with your words.
Remember to give yourself grace. Parenting is a challenging journey. It takes time to navigate the delicate balance of letting your child go while keeping them close in your heart. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that you’re doing the best you can in a difficult situation.
Sally Cressman is the author of “The Dance of Easter.” She writes about faith, family, and home on her website, www.sallycressman.com. She offers family conversation starters on Instagram and Facebook.
