You know that moment when your child finally does what you asked—but with an eye roll, a heavy sigh, and feet that drag like they’re walking through cement? Technically, they obeyed. But something feels… off.
Getting our kids to comply isn’t actually the finish line. There’s something deeper we’re aiming for, something that changes not just what they do but who they’re becoming. It’s called honor, and it might just transform your entire home.
Honor is Offering More Than What is Required. We want more than just obedience; we want heart transformation that allows children not only to do what is required, but to serve from the heart. The Bible is clear about that. Ephesians 6:1 tells children to “obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right,” and we all know that boundaries and structure are essential for healthy kids. However, a child can technically obey while their heart is a million miles away. I’m sure you have heard the story of the child whose teacher told him to sit down, and he complied, but he replied that he was still standing in his head. Honor changes everything because it goes beyond the checklist. It’s obedience with love added in. Romans 12:10 encourages us to “honor one another above yourselves”—and that’s not just adult stuff. Our kids can learn this too, and home is the perfect training ground.
What Honor Actually Looks Like in Real Life. Imagine asking your daughter to unload the dishwasher. She unloads it and walks away. Basic obedience. What if she unloads the dishwasher, then notices the dirty dishes in the sink and loads those into the dishwasher too? Maybe she even wipes down the counter, leaving the kitchen cleaner than she found it. She’s moved from “do what I’m told” to “serve from the heart.” That is honor in action.
One approach that works beautifully is what Dr. Scott Turansky, founder of Biblical Parenting University, calls “honor missions.” It’s simple: challenge your child to find one way to surprise someone in the family with an act of honor before dinner. Maybe it’s helping a sibling with chores, leaving a kind note on Dad’s pillow, or making Mom’s favorite tea without being asked.
Philippians 2:3-4 gives us the perfect framework: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” What better gift could we give our children than teaching them to live this way?
Honor Brings Change. When families learn to honor one another, there is less nagging and more cooperation. Fewer power struggles and more genuine connections. Kids start thinking about others instead of fixating only on themselves. Parents feel less like police officers and more like guides. Perhaps less sibling rivalry.
First Peter 2:17 instructs us to “Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”
Your Starting Point. You don’t need a perfect plan. Just start using the word “honor” in your home. Notice when your child does something honorable and call it out with specific praise. Try one “honor challenge” this week and see what happens.
—Lee Ann Mancini is the author of Raising Kids to Follow Christ, founder of Raising Christian Kids, and executive producer of Sea Kids. She is a mother of two and lives in South Florida, helping parents raise lifelong followers of Christ.
